8 May Rumo(u)r Roundup
As my esteemed partner noted, European press is insane. You think MLB Trade Rumors is wild? It doesn’t hold a candle to Transfer Window season. I would highly recommend The Club, by Joshua Robinson and Jonathan Clegg, to get a better idea of what agents have done to the transfer window, and for how the Premier League got to be the biggest league in the world.
Anyhow, if we were to link to every single Leeds rumor, then this website would be a bloodbath, so great pains have been taken to sniff out the ones that at least seem to be well-sourced. We are Marsch & Sons, Fine Importers, after all.
It’s no secret that Leeds United will need plenty of goals to stay in the Premier League next year. The team’s leading scorer - Joel Piroe (I don’t know how to do umlauts on this platform yet) - scored 19 goals, but has never played in the Premier League. Dan James has played in the Premier League, and he had 12 goals. With the 49ers Enterprises backing a team they look to return to Leeds United’s rightful place among the top teams in the world, they’re going to want to add some seasoned talent.
Leeds’ interest in Leicester striker Jamie Vardy does seem to be real. The 38-year old Premier League winner has an unreal story and does tend to act like he’s 15 years old on Twitter (including the classic “Chat shit, get banged”) but the man can score goals.
The previous TeamTalk link also says Leeds has an interest in Everton striker Beto.
Leeds is apparently also interested in 23-year old former Tottenham man Troy Parrott, who spent last season with the Dutch team AZ Alkmaar. Parrott has scored 24 goals in 45 starts in the Eredivisie over the past two seasons.
Hull City, who are full of bastards, are interested in keeping Joe Gelhardt, who was on loan from Leeds United. I’ve been a Leeds fan for over 25 years, and Joe Gelhardt’s goal against Norwich in 2022 is one of my favorite Leeds goals of all-time. And it was set up by my Large Brazilian Son Raphinha, whom you may have seen excel for Barcelona this season. It remains a miracle that we Leeds fans got to watch Raphinha play for Leeds for two seasons.
What To Watch This Weekend
It’s Thursday evening, Central Time (God’s Time Zone) so that means the weekend is on deck. Here’s what to watch, if you’re EuroTrash like me!
Friday
It’s Stage 1 of the Giro d’Italia! The first Grand Tour of Cycling SZN, babyyyyyyyyy. 7am-ish on Max.
So this is how they determine who the third team to get promoted to the Premier League is: with a three-game playoff. The 3rd Place team plays the 6th Place team (and 4th vs 5th) in a home-and-away semifinal. The winners on aggregate play each other in a one-game final, and the winner goes up. So Friday is the first match of the EFL Championship Promotion Semifinals: Sunderland at Coventry City. 2pm on Paramount+.
Saturday
The race for the Champions League spots heats up as the Premier League season has three weekends left.
Manchester City (3rd place - 64pts) goes to Southampton (20th place - 11pts - already relegated and might be the worst team to ever play in the Premier League. They beat Leeds in the aforementioned Promotion Final in May 2024). 9am on USA Network.
Aston Villa (7th place - 60pts) goes to Bournemouth (8th place - 53pts). 11:30am on NBC.
Giro d’Italia Stage 2 on Max.
Sunday
Chelsea (5th place - 63pts) at Newcastle United (4th place - 63pts). 6am on USA Network.
Leicester City (19th place - 21pts - already relegated) at Nottingham Forest (6th place - 61pts). 8:15am on Peacock.
El Clasico: Real Madrid (2nd place in La Liga - 71pts) at Barcelona (1st place - 75pts). 9:15am on ESPN.
Arsenal (2nd place - 67pts) at Liverpool (1st place - 82pts - already won the league). 10:30am on NBC.
Champions League Finalists Inter Milan (2nd place in Serie A - 74pts) at Torino (11th place - 44pts). 11am on Paramount+.
Genoa (13th place - 39pts) at Napoli (1st place in Serie A - 77pts). 1:45pm on Paramount+.
Giro d’Italia Stage 3 on Max.